in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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