i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
