this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
