I am in a vortex of obligation.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
