Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
