He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
