she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
