He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
