I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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