Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
