u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
