look no pants
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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