my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
