I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I smell stomach acid.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
