So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
