six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
