I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
