How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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