Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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