ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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