We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
