i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
