Your mouth is God's brothel.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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