did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
