Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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