If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
