he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
3 2 1 whiskey
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
