R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you still have your period?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize