Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
