there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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