How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
