Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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