I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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