just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
