Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
