grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Drunk is not a location!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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