i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
