we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize