In the future we'll all be gay
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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