On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
