I didn't shave. On purpose
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
