mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
These tits shall not be calmed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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