I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
