dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
