just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
