It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize