You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize