Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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