I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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