Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
