She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
