He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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