nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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