when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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