In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
