So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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