No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
