hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
