do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize