Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
