...so i touched it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
