I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
