Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
