the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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