Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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