I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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