I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Houston, we have a squirter
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize