I CAN MOONWALK!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
