But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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