Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
