I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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